First let me tell you this is not a safe place to visit. Entering the park a sheet of paper is handed to us and the park ranger says in her toothy grin “Welcome to Yellowstone, please give me $25 and enjoy your stay, here is some valuable survival information." Suddenly, a flashback from Jurassic Park comes to my mind. The fear is immediately escalated when the little yellow pamphlet I’m reading reads “100 wildlife animals are killed each year by drivers driving too fast! Stay at 45 miles per hour!! Look lady this park is huge and we only have a day and a half, at 45mile per hour that just isn’t going to cut it, we have a huge area to cover in a short amount of time, but thanks for the warning. The other warning…Bears! and a LIST of instructions of how to keep safe avoiding an attack. How about this idea… don’t go into to areas where there are bears at all! Next, a road sign with a wild bison GORING a person from behind reads “don’t approach the Bison..” noted! BE WARE falling rocks, Don’t step off the path around the hot pools of boiling magma and ATTENTION all guests you will be driving on a volcano!!.. What in the world are we doing here! This whole place needs to be roped off!
The first thing we notice (as we are going 46 miles an hour) is the strange lack of darting wildlife or ANY wildlife for that matter. Evidently, the director of the Yellowstone animal program was off the day and forgot to have someone else queue the animals to come out. After about 40 miles in, we finally see Bison, one very large Elk and a darting doe, but we see many of those darting deer in Oregon so I’m expecting a little more bang for our buck people! After realizing 45 miles/hr was not going to get us to the northern part where the wildlife must be having a party, we stumbled across visitor center. Inside were many wild animals to look at, FINALLY, and up close, only they were dead and stuffed. The local taxidermist must be the big guy on campus around here! At least we know at ONE time there was living wild life in Yellowstone. After a few days on the road journeying to Yellowstone and now driving through this massive region we are convinced the tourism industry would cash in on travelers, who are parents, if they sold a little care package of Spanish coffee and ear plugs. For instance making our way through only half the park and hearing:
CHILD: What was that thing that explodes?
PARENT: A Geyser
(15 minuts later)
CHILD: Are we going to see… wait what was that called?
PARENTS: A Geyser
CHILD: oh yeah, are we going to see more?
(15 miles later )
CHILD: Are those the Glaciers?
PARENTS: they are called Geysers!!!
Alarming to see a parent who thought it was a good idea to let their child, (a new walker none the less) walk freely around spewing hot geysers. Now that’s a good idea!!! “Say there.. did anyone see where little Hugo went? He was just right here standing next to this bubbling pool of hot minerals?"
“You will be working by the famous geyser “Old Faithful” where travelers come from near and far to see this world famous volcanic event and pay lots of money to stay here which helps pay your wage, giving you a job and a free ticket to party with other summer staff. Be sure to smile and at least "ACT" like you care, as you witness the hourly spewing of 7th wonder of the world (all while getting paid which you will most likely take for granted by hour 3 because, well, you are 20) keeping in mind some guests just missed the last spewing and will be super excited and wonder when the next spew will take place. Please tell them this information without an attitude. (since the time is tracked for you and no math is required on your part) After-all this is what we do here and why we track the geysers for our guests and take their money for various goods and services, All you have to do is open your big toothy grin and tell them what time the explosion is estimated to happen all without an attitude…okay? Okay then…. Have a great summer! -Yellowstone Resort President.
Then it happened, I overheard the most shocking question by one traveler who I heard in the bathroom asking another older traveler “Excuse me, we haven’t seen Old Faithful blow yet and have and 8 hour drive back, is it worth it to stay?” If only I could see the other lady’s face, but heard her dumfounded response (said in a Texas accent) “well yer here, you should see it”. Giggling from the 3rd stall over I thought “are you kidding me? did she really just ask someone is it worth it to see a spewing geyser that the state of Wyoming has built a whole resort around with bleachers surrounding this massive hole, where postcards, blankets, cups, videos, and grumpy summer college staff find out that they don’t get to push A big red button for any of the geysers to go off, that the earth gets to decide the timing, and you ask is it worth it? Honey, go get your free Spanish coffee, take your seat and relax!
Leaving the park in one piece and without any wild life attached to our hood, we were amazed by what we saw, even though a very dangerous place, we thought it was worth the risk. “Hey Mom and Dad what were those things called that exploded”? “GEYSERS!!!