Monday, September 12, 2011

Taking Life Back.. Can I Re-Roll That One?

I’m feeling sentimental today, just thinking about how life goes so fast.. too fast. It brings tears to my eyes as I look at pictures of our kids when they were little. I can still hear their little voices, giggles, screaming and the feeling of kissing their chubby cheeks and having their arms around my neck as I carried them from one room to another. The smell of their fresh, clean, baby skin and hair. It seems like a different life sometimes different people, yet those memories and sensations bring me back to such a real moment it seems unreal that so much time as gone by.

The Big Moving Day!

Those days were not always easy, in fact having three kids all under the age of 4 was quite tiring. Combine the chaos with making adult decisions about life and future plans and what’s best for the family. Looking back now I wonder if we really followed God’s direction. Did we really pray about our next move or was life just so easy that if the money was there we did what we wanted.

We chose to move our family out of a small town early in their lives to be closer to the events and things we did especially our church and family. It seemed we were always on the freeway in the big tan van (that I still drive..thank you very much!) One day when we were driving somewhere, my 4 year old daughter said “mommy I just want to stay home, I don’t like being in the car all the time”. Her comment combined with my husband driving too much for his business as a realtor made our decision seem like a good one.. and perhaps it was? I can’t say that it was a bad move all together but after going through some tumultuous years of the Real Estate market and surviving through unplanned circumstances, multiple moves, and now sitting in a house that isn’t “me” or what I planned for my kids “family home”, I often dream about what could have been if we would have stayed put and weren’t so antsy. Who would have been our friends, our kid’s friends, would they have been in the same sports they are now, would their personalities and how they respond to life be the same? They talk about that blue house we once lived in that they loved, we loved.. but left. Sometimes it makes me just want to re-roll and choose the other option, if we only could.

I know that dwelling on the past and what was isn’t good and the mystery of what might have been isn’t always profitable to think about but I have learned that taking time to pray for things before jumping into them is a very good idea. I’ve also learned that when money is easier it is also easier to leave God out of the equation and decision making. Trusting and praying come to the forefront when times are uncertain and our decisions have to wait for God’s timing, not because it sounds good to us and we can write a check to cover it. I also know that there are many wonderful things that have happened as a result of our choices good and bad, which brings me back to the verse Rom 8:28 “But all work together for good according for those who love Him and are called for His purpose”. So that find me comfort.

I often wonder if the way I feel about years ago and remember what our kids were like and the senses that come back to me is somewhat like Heaven will be like. Where we will remember certain things vividly that seem like yesterday, but also feel like a lifetime ago. Our life on earth a season of time a blip and a life that thankfully we can put in the hands of the Lord to cover all our weaknesses and mistakes and get second and third chances to follow His plan.


  1. After reading this story, I think of how this photo conveys a perfect metaphore: Sometimes you want to keep your loved ones nicely boxed and shelved for safe-keeping and protection! :)

  2. Hmm.. very intuitive Maru.. nice!